


Set me free

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mythology, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Confused Raphael, Cupid Ragnor, Cupid Raphael, Fate & Destiny, First Meetings, Human Simon, Latino Characters, M/M, Memory Loss, Mild Angst, Mythology - Freeform, Not Beta Read, Soulmates, aroace raphael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8452900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: His dark hair stuck against his forehead in wet, messy curls and every annoyed huff showed in form of a little white cloud leaving his lips and disappearing into the sky. He was a supernatural being but it was obviously too much to ask for some kind of immunity against the temperatures. Sure, he had to appear human but that didn't mean he basically had to be human."Just find the target, make the guy fall in love with the girl and the freezing is over," Raphael mumbled to himself through chattering teeth and pushed his hands deeper into the pockets of his hoody. At least he couldn't get sick but this didn't make the weather any more comfortable. His whole body seemed to be slowed down and stinging from the cold, icy wind pulling at the material of his jeans and the hoody he wore over his t-shirt, his boots kicking up snow with every step.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is a case of "I have no idea what I was doing" mixed with a pinch of "the idea sounded better in my head" but here we are anyway. I blame [this](http://fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/post/152511609583) post for the idea and I'm not sure about how I did with my take on it.

Being a Cupid was not always an easy task to do and even though Raphael had been born-- No, he had been _created_ to do this! And even though he had been created, like all the others of his kind, to ensure that everything on earth happened according to fate, that the timeline was on the right track, it wasn't always easily done. He had been in existence for almost 200 years now and the more modern the world got, the harder it seemed to fulfil his job sometimes.

In the past, Cupids hadn't interfered more than necessary and usually never showed themselves to the eyes of mundanes but that had changed. Not only because there had been a few humans that could see them even when they used their powers to stay invisible but also because it was easier from time to time to do their job when they walked amongst the humans.

Which is the reason why Raphael was in the middle of the snowy New York City, trying to ignore the cold seeping into his body because he didn't have proper winter clothing. He was a Cupid, he didn't _need_ winter clothes because he usually didn't get cold. Being invisible had its perks because in this state they didn't feel hot or cold but like this, visible and kind of human...boy, did he feel the cold.

His dark hair stuck against his forehead in wet, messy curls and every annoyed huff showed in form of a little white cloud leaving his lips and disappearing into the sky. He was a supernatural being but it was obviously too much to ask for some kind of immunity against the temperatures. Sure, he had to appear human but that didn't mean he basically had to _be_ human.

"Just find the target, make the guy fall in love with the girl and the freezing is over," Raphael mumbled to himself through chattering teeth and pushed his hands deeper into the pockets of his hoody. At least he couldn't get sick but this didn't make the weather any more comfortable. His whole body seemed to be slowed down and stinging from the cold, icy wind pulling at the material of his jeans and the hoody he wore over his t-shirt, his boots kicking up snow with every step.

He pulled out his phone - well, it _looked_ like a human phone but it was actually a device for him to track down his target and the little red dot on screen wasn't too far away anymore, indicating he had almost found the boy who was destined to fall in love. The boy's name was...Simon. Simon Lewis. And, okay, he wasn't really a boy anymore with 20 years of age but compared to Raphael's almost 200 years in existence, he could probably be still considered to be called _boy_.

Raphael turned around a corner and he didn't need to look at the tracking device again because he could sense his target now and he knew Simon was currently with the actual target. Raphael always ended up calling both parties the target which...might be quite confusing, when he thought about it. Also, target probably sounded way too much like he wanted to murder someone when more of the opposite was the case.

The _target_ , to him, was the person this all was about but sometimes this person wasn't the one he had to shoot at with one of those legendary arrows, aka the _actual target_. In this case for example, he had to shoot someone else to make them fall in love with Simon Lewis, who already had gotten his arrow almost ten years ago but it was merely a crush that was simmering down to even less over the past year. So it was Raphael's job now to ensure the timeline stayed the way it was supposed to be and make the girl finally fall in love with Simon as well. Those two were meant to be together and now the time for that had come.

Raphael glanced through the quite big window of the warm, cozy looking coffee shop and he couldn't suppress a wistful sigh and the thought of the nice temperatures inside. Even though he had never seen the pair ever before, Raphael knew it was them as soon as he spotted the dark-haired boy and a red headed girl sitting at a table right next to the window. That made his job fairly easy. It was pretty dark already and his arrows weren't physical objects - they didn't hurt anyone and the went straight through solid objects like a pane of glass. So he could just get this over with right here and now.

For some reason, though, Raphael didn't just stay in the shadow of the small, dark alley but stepped onto the sidewalk opposite the one where the coffee shop was located and just...watched. He could see the profiles of both - the girl, Clary, with a fiery shock of hair, animated gestures and laughter so light it carried over to him, dancing on the icy wind like all the tiny snowflakes.

But she wasn't who somehow kept his attention from doing his job right away. It was the boy, Simon, with his the messy mop of hair framing a gentle looking face, just like his dark rimmed glasses did, and his smile was something entirely else. Raphael couldn't remember ever seeing a human smile like this and never did he ever think of anyone as _beautiful_ but it was the only word that popped into his head at this very moment.

Raphael took a shaky breath and this time it wasn't shakiness from the cold but from a weird, tingly feeling from deep within his chest as he stood there, wide-eyed and freezing, staring at a boy who was meant to be with the girl next to him and for the first time in almost two centuries did he actually feel like this was wrong. What he had to do was _wrong_ and Raphael had absolutely no clue where this thought, this feeling, came from.

And suddenly he wasn't staring at the side of Simon's head anymore but right into a pair of deep brown eyes that made his breath catch in his throat and heart almost beat out of his chest. Raphael felt frozen to the spot, completely overwhelmed by these unfamiliar feelings and he could only stare with rising confusion when the boy frowned, got up and...left the coffee shop a few seconds later. Simon left the café and walked across the street after waiting for a car to pass by.

"Are you okay?"

To say that Raphael was completely out of his depths was putting it lightly. It should have been an easy job, one without getting involved and now he stood here, utterly confused and with a racing heartbeat, staring at the boy whose best friend was supposed to fall in love with him, preferably tonight.

"I--I'm--Yeah," Raphael found his voice and it sounded weirdly throaty to his own ears - maybe because he didn't use it too often, maybe from the cold but probably from the emotions clouding his whole being.

"I don't mean to sound rude but you really don't seem okay to me, dude," Simon replied and there was worry in his dark eyes and goosebumps visible on his pale throat because he had left the coffee shop wearing nothing more than Raphael himself.

"How long have you been out here, dressed like this? You're going to freeze to death or at least catch the worst cold anyone could ever imagine. Come on, why don't you accompany me into the café, warm up and maybe my best friend and I can help you?" Simon offered with a sincere smile and reached out, fingertips brushing the cold material of Raphael's shirt on his upper arm.

"I don't--I don't have any money on me and I'm fine, really." He should just leave and come back the next day, try again and get this job over with. He never had trouble doing his job and Raphael had no clue why it changed now. What was different about this one?

"Don't worry, I might be a poor student but I can afford to buy you a hot drink. Come on."

Raphael should say no but there was something in Simon's eyes, his smile, that just captured him and drew him in. He didn't feel too terribly cold now, that this boy was right in from of him, close enough to reach out and touch. Raphael felt himself nod and shortly after he followed Simon into the almost overwhelming warmth of the coffee shop. His cold skin stung when it came into contact with the warm air inside and it felt almost too hot to bear but after a few seconds it got better.

"This is Clary, she's my best friend. Clary, this is," Simon introduced the redhead to him but paused, looking at Raphael with a silent question because he didn't know his name.

"Raphael," he finished for the boy, glancing at Clary with a helpless little smile while Simon simply nudged him to sit on the rather small bench next to him. The table was meant for two people, not three, so when Simon slid in next to him, their shoulders and thighs were pressed together.

"Raphael, that's a nice name. Like one of the archangels," Clary commented with a kind smile and Raphael would have laughed at the words if he wasn't still so horribly confused. He was kind of an angel or at least Cupids were something pretty similar. He didn't have a halo or wings but he was still some kind of lesser angel, so to say.

"Yeah, uh, religious parents," he replied with a little shrug and he honestly had no clue why he just said that. He didn't have any parents. Not in this 'life', at least. He knew he did have a different life, that he had been human before and that he had died because it was like this for everyone. Most humans got reborn as another human or sometimes an animal after death but some, the ones that were truly good and pure of heart, could be reborn as a higher being. In his case, a Cupid.

Raphael had no memories of his old life or how many lives as a human he already had before. There was a pretty high possibility that Simon and Clary both had lived before as well but they couldn't remember either. And you weren't always reborn as the same person - you looked different every time, acted different, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Only the very core was always the same, the thing that humans called _soul_.

The only thing he did know about his former life was, that the way he looked right now and his name were the same but that was all he was ever told. He didn't remember the family he had, what kind of person he had been or how he died but, in all honestly, Raphael was glad he didn't know. A soul might be strong enough to live on for centuries and be reborn several times but the burden to remember all of these lives but probably shatter it, depending on how these lives had been lived.

"Why have you been out there in this cold without a jacket, Raphael?" Simon asked and offer end Raphael his own drink that stood untouched on the table. It smelled of cinnamon and vanilla. Raphael was unable to deny the kind offer and mumbled a soft "Thank you", his cold fingers wrapping around the almost painfully hot mug, pulling it closer. He had to make up some story because "I'm your heavenly matchmaker to ensure the timeline goes it's destined way" probably didn't sound too good.

Raphael stalled by taking a tentative sip of the still steaming drink that turned out to be hot chocolate. Very delicious hot chocolate with whipped cream that clung to his upper lip and, embarrassingly, to the tips of his nose as well. Clary chuckled, despite her best effort to suppress the sound, and handed him a napkin. Raphael was glad his cheeks were already flushed thanks to the change from ice cold to warm when he took the napkin with a soft thanks.

"I forgot my jacket. I...got into a fight with someone and left without taking my jacket," Raphael finally answered because that was the best he could come up with and maybe it sounded reasonable enough. He looked young, like maybe 18, so it wouldn't be too far off to assume he was young enough for or such an impulsive reaction - that a fight with someone might have cause him to run off without thinking about protection against the cold.

"Was this someone your parent? Or your girlfriend? Maybe a boyfriend?"

"Clary, come on...that's none of our business," Simon stopped his best friend with a frown before he turned back to Raphael with his lips curling into a soft smile, "I'm sorry, she's just a very curious person."

"It's okay. I don't mind," Raphael sighed and he still felt shaky, his body in the process of adjusting to the warmth, but he felt the cold slowly driven out of his limbs together with the numb feeling it had caused. He had to admit that this was nice. Sitting here, drinking hot chocolate and talking to Simon, being able to look at him from up close. Raphael had never felt this way about a mundane; never had he seen one during his job that he had felt the urge to stop and talk to or get to know. It was unsettling, to say the least.

"It's complicated," Raphael added, instead of properly answering Clary's question and that was one way to put it. He didn't have a family or a romantic partner - he wasn't supposed to have a partner anyway and he didn't want one because that was the way Cupids were created. They didn't feel this kind of love or lust for another being and that was also the reason why Raphael never really understood the reason of his work. Why did he have to make people fall in love in order to secure the timeline? Wasn't there another way?

He knew that mundanes craved all of this - love, contact and physical closeness - but he didn't _get_ it. Raphael didn't understand the feeling of wanting to touch someone, of wanting to kiss them and...do more. He knew how everything worked in theory and it was admittedly cute to watch mundane couples, they always looked so happy and soft when looking at their significant other. Sometimes Raphael couldn't help but muse about how it must feel like and on rare occasions he even wished to feel all of this at least once, just to know what he really did for all these people on a daily basis. For other it was their happiness and life, for him it was simply his job. Kind of sad, when you thought about it...

Raphael took another sip of the hot chocolate and licked some of the sweet whipped cream off his upper lip, glancing at the two best friends that had started up another conversation - probably the one they had before Simon noticed him standing out there in the cold. Raphael had already figured that Simon was a good person but it had taken him by surprise that the boy had offered a complete stranger to buy him a drink and to sit with him, out of no other motion than pure kindness.

It was touching because Raphael knew what some mundanes did, how horrible things on earth could be sometimes, but to see that there was still hope and this kind of love - the kind that he himself did understand and was capable of - still existed in some people warmed his heart.

"Oh no, I have to go. I completely forgot that I was supposed to have dinner with Mum and Luke today. They said they had to tell me something important," Clary declared after a glance at her phone and she quickly gathered her things, wrapped up in a thick jacket, scarf and tugged a beanie over her fiery hair.

"It was nice meeting you, Raphael, and I hope you can resolve the fight you had with that person," she said to him after hugging Simon, brushing a kiss to the boy's cheek that somehow caused Raphael's heartbeat to take on a rather uncomfortable rhythm. Why did this bother him? They were supposed to be like this; they were supposed to be even closer than this, if he could just finally do his damn job!

"Would you like another hot chocolate?" Simon offered after Clary had left and his smile caused another weird kind of feeling in Raphael's chest. He felt like agreeing because he wanted a reason to stay here a little longer even though he definitely had none anymore because the actual target, Clary, wasn't even around anymore. And Raphael knew it was better if he left as well because this seemed like a rather dangerous game he was playing here, with the strange way Simon's company made him feel. It wasn't normal, not like it was supposed to be, and Raphael knew better than to risk anything.

"Thank you, really, but I think I better get going as well. I should...I should head home," he replied with a cautious little smile and for some reason Simon's smile seemed to lose some of its light, barely noticeable but Raphael still caught the change and didn't understand what caused it.

"Oh, okay," Simon replied softly and he almost seemed a little disappointed but covered it up with a soft smile before he got up and, to add to Raphael's confusion, shrugged out of his hoodie and offered it to him.

"Take this, please. It might not be of much use against the cold but at least it's a little more than what you're wearing right now and I still have my coat to keep me warm," he said with a smile and gently pressed the hoodie against Raphael's chest, a silent plea in his pretty eyes. Raphael's heart skipped a beat and when he carefully grabbed the hoodie, his fingers brushed Simon's.

"Thank you. For everything." Raphael smiled at the other and even though he felt like he shouldn't take the hoodie, he couldn't help but accept the offer and slip into the piece of clothing that was a little wider and longer than the one he was already wearing. He was immediately enveloped in the unfamiliar but somehow nice scent of the other boy and resisted the temptation to lift a sleeve to his face and bury his face in it.

"Take care of yourself, Raphael. Hopefully we'll see each other again," Simon reached out like he was about to pull Raphael into a hug but his hand rested on the Cupid's shoulder for a short moment before he nodded with another smile. Raphael said a soft goodbye and forced himself to get moving and to leave the coffee shop. He would have to get back here tomorrow and finish his job anyway so he would try to get the hoodie back to Simon then. But for now, he felt weirdly warm wrapped up in the other boy's hoodie, even though it didn't offer much protection against the icy wind.

* * *

Raphael was determined to finish this job the next day when he walked through the snowy city again on his way towards the place where Simon was - hopefully with Clary again so he could actually do what he was here for. Raphael never knew why they didn't always track the person they were actually supposed to hit with an arrow because sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn't, like in this case. But he had learned not to question this system and at least there was no real time limit to such missions.

He was still wearing the same clothes than the day before, with Simon's hoodie that he would have to hand back to the other, even though Raphael would admittedly love to just keep the piece of clothing, especially because Simon's scent still clung to it and for some reason Raphael really liked this fact. But of course he had to return the hoodie because he didn't belong here and he couldn't just keep something from this world.

This time Raphael ended up at the mall and even though he could sense Simon being nearby, there were so many people around doing Christmas shopping, that he would have trouble finding the boy in this crowd. Raphael sighed and scrunched up his nose with a displeased little sound. He went up to the second floor to have a better view of the place and it took him about half an hour to spot a red shock of hair that seemed pretty familiar.

Clary wasn't with Simon, though, but with another girl and Raphael frowned because he could definitely feel Simon's presence in the huge building as well. But maybe this was for the better because this way he couldn't get distracted from his mission by the boy again. Cupids didn't really need a bow to shoot their arrows - some simply did it to appear more stylish or cool - but Raphael usually stuck to simplify conjuring the rather small arrow in the palm of his hand and have it hit its target with a tiny burst of angelic magic. It was a much safer way to actually hit the right target, especially with so many people around.

Raphael leaned on the banister and watched the two girls sit on a table, chatting while drinking coffee or tea. The whole spell was actually rather uneventful because that's all the arrow was - a love spell formed into the shape of an arrow that nobody but a Cupid could see anyway so the shape actually didn't matter. The spell determined who the affection was directed on which meant it wasn't a case of "shoot someone with it and they fall in love with the first person in their sight". The spell did all that and it was so plain and simple, really, but this time Raphael watched the reddish smoke forming in the palm of his hand with an almost sick feeling.

"Raphael??"

The red mist vanished before even taking its shape and Raphael curled his fingers towards his palm, turning around to face the person calling his name. Even before he met Simon's eyes, he had already recognised the other's voice and his heart felt like it tripped, tumbling against his ribs like a clumsy, newborn deer that tried to take its first steps. What was happening to him? And more importantly, _why_ was this happening to him?

"I knew it was you. Such a coincidence to run into you again so soon." Simon smiled at him, blinding him with his bright, happy expression and Raphael had to suppress a wistful sigh. Part of him wished that Simon hadn't shown up and interrupted him but another part of him was glad about it, not only because something in him had longed to see the other boy again.

"Did you really go home last night? You're still wearing my hoodie instead of a proper coat or jacket," Simon asked, almost tentatively, as he stepped closer and leant against the bannister right next to Raphael.

"Yes, I did. I'm not getting cold that easily so this is plenty enough to keep me warm," Raphael said with a smile and he knew this sounded ridiculous and not at all believable but he had to try. He didn't think this through. He should have showed up invisible, do his job and somehow get the jacket back to Simon without facing him like this. Raphael felt like he had never done this before even though he had shot so many arrows, had brought so many people together over the course of almost two centuries. But with this job he suddenly felt out of his depth, helpless and unable to just do it.

"I honestly don't believe that. Where do you spend the night? I'm aware of the fact that we barely know each other but you could have crashed at my place instead of...wherever you went that didn't proved proper winter clothing," Simon added, carefully reaching out to touch Raphael's upper arm. This gesture seemed to be some kind of habit, one that Raphael didn't mind as much as he should.

Raphael stepped back a little and shrugged off Simon's hoodie, pressing it into the other's hands like Simon had done with him last evening before letting go of the soft material. Of course, Simon opened his mouth to complain immediately but Raphael shook his head.

"It's yours and I shouldn't have accepted it in the first place. It's okay, really. I don't need it. And I have to go now. It was nice seeing you again, Simon." Raphael offered a soft, apologetic smile and he tried not to look sad because he had decided that this would not happen again. He would not show himself in front of Simon another time, not talk to him again, because it complicated things way too much and confused him, preventing him from doing his job.

Raphael turned around and swiftly disappeared into the crowd, making his way out of the mall because he had to get away from there, away from Simon and all of this weirdly painful confusion that had made a home on his chest. He left the mall and as soon as the door clicked shut behind him and he was sure to be alone, he wanted to disappear to the place mundanes tended to call _heaven_ even though it wasn't really the place humans always described in their religious tales. But Raphael had started calling it that nonetheless because they had no word for the place, they didn't need a word other than _home_ but Raphael liked the way the word _heaven_ sounded - it had a nice ring to it, somehow.

"Please don't," a breathless voice distracted him yet again from what he was about to do and, unsurprisingly, it was the same voice as before. Simon had somehow managed to follow him and stared at him with widened eyes, looking surprisingly small despite being a tad taller than Raphael and there was something akin to fear in his beautiful eyes.

"I don't know what happened to you and it what you said yesterday was true - it seems like there is more going on than a simple fight with someone - but please let my try to help you. You don't have to do anything...drastic," Simon pleaded and a whole different kind of confusion flooded Raphael's mind. He didn't know what the other was talking about, why he sounded shaky and looked haunted but it had him worried in a matter of seconds.

"I don't understand...What's going on? Why are you looking so scared?" Raphael frowned and cocked his head to the side, slowly stepping closer to Simon whose fear now seemed to mix with the same confusion Raphael was feeling.

"Apparently you didn't go home last night because you're still wearing exactly the same outfit and didn't even get a proper jacket. You handed me back my hoodie saying you don't get cold easily but yesterday you were clearly shivering from the cold. Why would you say you don't need the hoodie and say goodbye with such finally if...if you didn't plan to..." Simon's fingers curled into the hoodie he was still holding, knuckles almost turning white and he lowered his gaze.

Raphael swallowed and the confusion was slowly replaced by the realisation of how all of this had seemed to the ~~boy~~ young man. His mouth formed a surprised, albeit shocked, o-shape and he might have laughed if this situation wasn't kind of serious.

"You thought I wanted to take my own life?" He wasn't even really alive, to begin with.

"You don't? Then why would you--"

"I'm sorry, I can't explain it to you but trust me, what you were thinking was not my plan at all. I'm not ending my life but the goodbye was final because I have to leave and I doubt we will see each other again. I'm really thankful for what you did for me yesterday and I'm sorry if my unlucky way of expressing things made you worry, that was never my intention."

"Now you're talking like an old man...Are you sure you won't come back? I know we don't know each other but I really hoped we could change that. This is a really weird thing to say but...I couldn't get you out of my mind since yesterday and, this is probably too straightforward - even though there's absolutely nothing _straight_ about me -, but I really wanted to ask you out. Like, on a date."

Simon's cheeks coloured a soft shade of pink and Raphael stared at the other in awe for a few seconds before his brain caught up with the meaning behind these words. Simon wanted to ask him on a date? _Him??_ He wasn't supposed to be the one Simon wanted to take out on a date. Simon should go on a date with Clary who still needed to get the nudge in the right direction when it came to her feelings. This, Simon asking _him_ out, messed everything up and Raphael wondered how this could have happened.

Never, even with showing up amongst the humans, had a Cupid ever been on the receiving end of a mundane's affection - at least not that Raphael knew of. This was wrong and not supposed to happen. It would mess up the timeline and Raphael would be held responsible because he hadn't done his damn job!

"No. No, you don't. Why would you ask me on a date? Clary is the one you should ask this, not me!" Raphael replied before thinking about it and he shut his mouth at the frown appearing on Simon's face. The other stepped closer now, had already narrowed the initial distance between them and a few steps later he was right in front of Raphael, almost close enough for their breaths to mingle in the icy air.

"I have no idea why you think that's the case but it's not true. You're the one I want to go on a date with, not Clary. She's my best friend and, sure, I did have a crush on her for most of my life but not anymore. You, on the other hand, might have been a _crush on first sight_ for me and, believe me, I didn't know that's a thing either. But it's what it is. If you're not into guys or not into me, that's fine. Tell me and I back off."

Raphael felt something close to panic rise in his chest because none of this was supposed to happen. Simon couldn't be over Clary, this was not possible. Something went terribly wrong and Raphael couldn't help but fault himself because all of this started when he hesitate last night and decided to stare at Simon instead of doing his job. It all came down to him not doing his job!

"I don't--I can't--This isn't right," Raphael mumbled and the way Simon's face fell, the hurt in his pretty eyes, he immediately regretted his words no matter how correct they might be.

"Of course, I always develop crushed on people who would never think of me that way but a straight homophobe is a new low," Simon said to himself and Raphael shook his head because this misunderstanding just got worse by the minute. First Simon thought he wanted to commit suicide because of his bad wording, now he was convinced that Raphael turned him down because he was a guy. Why had this developed this into such a damn mess?!

"This is not--I didn't mean it like _that_ , Simon. It's just...I can't be the one you want, believe me. This makes absolutely no sense."

Simon still looked pained but his expression also turned into something angry now when he stepped towards Raphael, index finger stabbing into the Cupid's chest.

" _You_ make no damn sense! You could have just told me you're not interested instead of spouting weird shit about how wrong this is." Simon glared at him and his voice wavered slightly, even though the expression in his eyes was angry and full of hurt because of the rejection. Raphael felt the unexpected need to wrap his arms around the other, to pull him in and make the pain go away but Simon stepped back again before he could make up his mind. This time it was Simon who said his "Goodbye" with finality and Raphael could only stare at his retreating back, the shutting of the door to the mall echoing in his ears even after Simon was long gone.

* * *

"I don't know what happened but I'm telling you, _I can't do this job_. It's...I can't." Raphael stared at Ragnor - another Cupid of higher rank than him; in the mundane world he would probably be considered his supervisor or something similar - and he had never felt this lost and helpless. Simon's sad, hurt expression seemed to be burned into his mind and Raphael _knew_ he couldn't go back and finish this job because he didn't feel like he could handle seeing the other again.

"I never had anyone telling me they wanted to quit their mission and you know I've been around for a few centuries," Ragnor replied with a confused frown but pointed at the armchair on the other side of his desk and he didn't have to say anything for Raphael to know he wanted a more in-depth explanation, other than "the target makes me feel weird".

"The first day I went to do the job I could have just finish it right away but when I looked at Simon I just...got distracted? I don't know what happened but I couldn't help watching him and when he talked to me I felt to weird; like I couldn't breathe properly and my heart sped for no reason," Raphael tried to explain with a frown because he still didn't really know what was going on with him. He knew Cupids couldn't get sick so that surely wasn't the reason for him feeling off.

"Yesterday I was about to finish the job but even if Simon hadn't shown up again, I don't think I could have done it. For some reason it...feels wrong? I never had such a feeling ever before and I never had trouble doing my job, you know that. You know I always did it properly and without hesitation. There's nothing to hesitate about anyway; we're causing people happiness, after all," Raphael added with a helpless little shrug and Ragnor watched him like he tried to figure him out. He still seemed confused, a bit worried even, and Raphael felt more uneasy by the second but he knew he had to tell someone about this.

"I will look into this and the job will have to wait a little because there might be a reason for all of this but I have to confirm it first. But don't worry, you're certainly not in trouble and this will be resolved. You did nothing wrong, Raphael, and I'm glad you came to talk to me," Ragnor said after a short moment of thinking and Raphael knew it was supposed to sound reassuring but that really wasn't what he felt.

He was nervous and almost scared - feelings he usually didn't have because the existence of a Cupid was surprisingly uneventful and there was never anything to get nervous or scared about. This, though, did scare him.

"Are you sure it's going to be okay?" He asked tentatively and rubbed his fingertips against his thighs, feeling the rough material of his jeans against his skin. Was this what mundanes felt like all the time? Insecure because they encountered something unknown? A Cupid rarely dealt with new situations after a few decades in existence and especially not new situations that were basically unheard of in the history of their line of work.

"I promise. And you will hear from me as soon as I'm sure what's going on."

* * *

Raphael knew his curly hair was a mess by now from all the times he ran his finger through it but he honestly couldn't care less. He never really cared too much about the way he looked anyway because he was rarely seen during his work anyway and everyone up here cared even less than him about appearances.

He almost jumped off his chair when the door opened and Ragnor finally entered with a muttered excuse about being late before he sat down behind his desk, folding his hands on the tabletop with a frighteningly serious expression.

"You found your soulmate," was the first thing Ragnor said, not even the hint of a hello, and Raphael could only blink in confusion.

"What are you talking about? I can't have a soulmate. _You_ were the one who told me about soulmates and how rare they are and how we Cupids don't have those. _We aren't connected to other beings by fate because we are the ones to ensure fate going it's way_ \- your words! And as far as I remember soulmates are even more than the usual relationships our job brings humans because soulmates are meant to last forever and they sometimes even endure several lifetimes and rebirths."

Raphael stared at Ragnor who had nodded along to his words but Raphael got the feeling he was about to learn something new about this oh so definite knowledge.

"That's true. All of it. We don't know it any other way but sometimes fate decides to turn what we know upside down and mix it up a little," Ragnor started, gently, and tilted his head with a frown.

"It is true that a Cupid with a soulmate is unheard of but it's the only explanation for your situation. Also, some digging revealed that your job had been a false one because Clarissa Fray was never supposed to fall in love with Simon Lewis. His crush on her wore off because it was never meant to last and from what you told me he took an interest in you, right?"

Raphael nodded and ignored the knot of nervous confusion growing in his chest or his heart thumping rapidly against his ribs. He felt almost dizzy thinking about the implication of Simon being his soulmate. Soulmates were rare and they weren't just the usual relationships that broke so often. Being soulmates bonded two souls together and it was much more powerful than simple affection and love.

"He didn't get an arrow for that but he still reacted like this to you because a soulmate bond doesn't always need one of our arrows to trigger it. It will still be necessary to unlock it, yes, but your connection activated on its own. Probably because it was so close to be disturbed by a major mistake and fate made sure this wouldn't happen," Ragnor explained with a kind voice, one he only used with Raphael after they became pretty close friends half a century after the younger Cupid was created.

"But...how can this be? This doesn't make any sense and I assumed the reason we don't have these connections, especially to humans, is because we're immortal. How is this supposed to work??" On one hand it felt weirdly good to think Simon was connected to him and supposed to be with him, even though Raphael had absolutely no experience in how any of that worked, but on the other hand it was terrifying and sounded like it would only end in disaster.

"That's the thing. You can't be a Cupid to be with him," the other sighed and his voice had such finality that Raphael felt cold all of a sudden.

"I'm pretty sure this isn't the line of work where you can just fire someone? Can Cupids actually be fired??"

"No, idiot, of course, they can't. They can fall like any other angelic being but they can't lose their job. Which is why we need the help of an archangel to take your powers. You may have a soulmate but the fact that Cupids can't have soulmates still stand and therefore you have to become human, a mundane, in order to fulfil your fate."

Part of Raphael was pretty sure that he was dreaming because even though technically Cupids didn't need sleep, they did sleep occasionally just to pass time or to entertain themselves with the sometimes weird dreams even they tended to get. This, though, was probably the weirdest dream Raphael ever had and he wished he knew how to wake himself up.

"You must be joking. You want to take my powers and send me to earth as a human? How am I supposed to just live as a mundane when all I know is two centuries of existing as a Cupid??"

"I'm not joking and this isn't about what I or anyone wants, it's about fate. You know our job is and always will be about making sure the timeline is followed and intact. _This_ is how. You being a Cupid while you have a mundane soulmate will disrupt the timeline in the long run and that will not go well for any of us."

Raphael knew that interfering with fate was not an option because that would mess everything up and could lead to quite horrible things. He knew about a story with a Cupid centuries ago who had failed to do his job and because the meant-to-be-couple hadn't gotten together because of him, a person had died that was supposed to be saved by the two when they were out on a date but they weren't in love, didn't go on the date and therefore couldn't save the life.

Mundanes had different expressions for these kinds of things, as Raphael had learnt over the years, and they called it either _butterfly effect_ or _chaos theory_. In his opinion, the first one sounded much nicer than the latter.

"But...how am I supposed to suddenly live as a mundane?" Raphael asked again in a small voice and he felt even more lost now. He only knew roughly how being a mundane worked and what kind of rules existed but he was pretty sure he wouldn't make a very good human. Ragnor looked at him with a bemused expression and leant closer with a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You have nothing to worry about, my friend. You won't just lose your powers and be dropped into the human world. As you know, the archangels are a little more powerful than us and as far as I know you will lose all your memories of this existence. It will be like a rebirth - this here will be one of the forgotten past lives. The only tiny problem about all of this, though, is the fact that your soulmate won't forget meeting you. It would be too much of an interference to erase his and his best friend's memories of meeting you."

"Wait, so you're telling me he will remember me but I forget ever meeting him?? He was already mad at me yesterday but if we come across one another again and I won't even remember him..." Raphael felt bad at the thought alone. Even if Simon and he were meant to be together, he didn't want to forget their first meeting or their second encounter. Especially because he owed Simon quite the apology for the latter.

"It will all come together in the end, you know it will. We will make sure you two will find your way and I think I will personally take care of your case. It's been quite a while since I had the chance to use a golden arrow," Ragnor replied with a small grin and Raphael still felt bad that he would have to forget about Simon before they could meet again but he knew he shouldn't question any of this. He knew how fate worked and that he could do nothing but go along with it anyway.

"I never used a golden arrow during my time here," Raphael mumbled and he had always used the plain red arrows that were meant for bringing people together. The golden ones were only for soulmates and he knew there were quite a few Cupids who never used one of them because soulmates were very rare and it was somewhat amazing that he was part of something this rare and special.

"Come on, we should get going and do this. The sooner you're on earth, the sooner you can meet your soulmate again and I don't think there's any use in taking the time to think about it anyway. It has to happen and even though you will be missed dearly, you will be happy and that's all that matters." Ragnor actually had a hint of sadness in his eyes and Raphael felt kind of bad for leaving but there was nothing he could do anyway.

Raphael had his heart in his throat when he followed Ragnor towards the archangels' offices and he felt even more nervous when they came to a stop in front of Gabriel's door. After they entered the office, Ragnor briefly explained the situation to the archangel and despite the unnecessary feeling of fear clinging to his bones, Raphael nodded his agreement when Gabriel finally asked him if he was willing to do the process now. Ragnor was right that there was no use dwelling on this anyway.

Raphael said his goodbyes to Ragnor and thanked him for everything, for always looking out for him and being a more or less patient mentor and good friend to him. Ragnor, in turn, promise to always look out for him and keep an eye on him before he stepped aside for Gabriel to rest his fingertips against Raphael's temples and soon the whole room around him seemed to be swallowed by a blinding, almost too hot brightness before his mind was engulfed in darkness.

* * *

Raphael woke up with a pounding headache and pieces of a very weird dream clinging to his mind. He slowly blinked his eyes open and groaned softly in pain but a cool hand coming to rest on his forehead seemed to soothe the uncomfortable feeling at least a little bit.

" _Gracias a Dios. Como estas, mi lucero_?"

Raphael sighed at the sound of the familiar, soothing voice and breathed a " _Mamá_?" before he finally managed to open his eyes properly and squint against the too-bright light, looking at the loving but worried features of his mother.

"My head hurts," he murmured a belated answer to Guadalupe's question about his wellbeing and sat up slowly with his mother's help. He glanced around the room and it took a moment for him to recognise the university's infirmary. He had no idea what happened but Guadalupe answered the question before he could really think to ask it.

"I was told that two students were fighting and you tried to settle their differences but in the heat of the moment one of them pushed you away and you fell down a set of stairs. You hit your head and passed out," she said and that definitely explained the head-splitting headaches. Raphael had to admit he didn't really remember the incident but he did feel the result because not only his head, but his arm and site hurt as well, though not as badly.

"You probably have a concussion and a few bruises but fortunately no broken bones or serious injuries," Guadalupe added and her fingers brushed through the chaotic curls almost falling into Raphael's eyes. He really needed to get a haircut soon.

"I know you only wanted to help but you should be more careful," his mother chided him gently but she was obviously just relieved he was mostly fine. He had been at university for not even three months and already got himself into such a situation. Of course he did, because Raphael always ended up trying to solve problems that weren't even his and he always felt he was the one who had to be a good person when others failed once again.

" _Lo siento , mamá_, I didn't mean to make you worry," Raphael mumbled with a tentative little smile and his mother leant in to brush a soft kiss to his forehead, murmuring in Spanish that it was okay and she was just glad he didn't get injured too badly in the process of making the world a better place.

"I might have given you the name of an archangel, _mi hijo_ , but that doesn't mean you are responsible for saving the world."

"It was worth a try? And I highly doubt me settling a fight between two students counts as 'saving the world', _mamá_ ," he replied with a soft chuckle.

 

They left the university almost an hour later because Guadalupe insisted that he rested a little longer and Raphael still felt kind of dizzy after getting up and he longed to get home, bury himself in his bed and sleep the pain away.

"Raphael?"

He turned around at the weirdly familiar sounding voice but was met by the sight of a boy he certainly never met before. The boy walking up to them had hair almost as dark as his own, some strands curling in a similar way than Raphael's own, and his admittedly pretty face was framed by dark-rimmed glasses.

"I didn't know you're at the same university. I never saw you here before," the boy said and the set of his shoulders seemed weirdly tense. Raphael frowned in confusion and tried to come with a name to the face but his headache only got worse and he was pretty sure he didn't know this guy anyway.

"I'm sorry but...who are you?" He asked, carefully, because this boy seemed to know him and Raphael really didn't want to sound like an asshole but he was seriously lost here. The other boy's eyes widened and for a brief moment, he just stared at Raphael, obviously trying to figure out whether the question was a joke or not.

"You forgot my name, really? Sure, we only met twice and it's been two weeks but, wow, seriously?!"

The other sounded angry now and Raphael felt something like panic swell up in his chest for some reason because he didn't want this boy to be mad at him, he didn't want him to look hurt. Before he could even open his mouth to reply he was interrupted by his mother's gentle voice.

"It's not his fault. He was pushed down the stairs earlier today and hit his head. Even a mild concussion can cause memory loss," she explained but Raphael could hear the worry in her voice. Guadalupe often helped in the local hospital and by know knew at least a little about these things. The boy blinked a few times and his expression turned embarrassed all of a sudden, a soft blush settling high on his cheeks.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude," he breathed before adding a cautious "I'm Simon."

"Simon," Raphael repeated with a nod and the name sounded weirdly familiar but that would make sense if they really had met before. He felt sorry for forgetting about Simon, even though it wasn't his fault, but it still felt like whatever he forgot was important, especially when it came to understanding the way the other looked at him.

"Well, uh, I should probably go now. I hope you feel better soon," Simon said with a small smile and tugged at the end of his scarf, about to turn around and leave but Raphael reached out before he knew what he was about to do and his finger curled into the sleeve of Simon's jacket.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forgot but maybe...maybe you can help me remember?" Raphael didn't know why this felt important but he knew he needed to try. Simon blinked, obviously taken aback before the corners of his mouth curled into the tiniest of smiles.

"Is this your way of asking for my number?"

"I guess it is."

* * *

Raphael never remembered first meeting Simon but the other told him about it and he felt bad for rejecting Simon outside the mall, even though he didn't remember doing so and he couldn't imagine that he meant to reject the other. Maybe it had been some kind of fate that he forgot about it and had a chance to meet Simon again. The next time he didn't reject the other when he asked for a date weeks after Raphael was pushed down the stairs. It was only the first of many dates to come.

It had been weird at first because Raphael hadn't known this boy but still felt this _pull_ towards Simon, like a piece of metal drawn in by a magnet, but this unusual fascination for the other developed into so much more over the course of a few weeks and sometimes Raphael had to think back to the strange dream he had after the little accident at university - an echo of words about Cupids and soulmates embedded in the back of his mind that didn't quite feel like the dream the emerged from.

Sometimes, when Simon was curled up next to him - arms wrapped around him and head resting against his shoulder, fast asleep with slow, relaxed breaths - he tried to imagine the concept of _soulmates_ and how he wanted to actually believe in this kind of thing. He knew it was ridiculous but for some reason it sounded weirdly _right_ , even though he would never admit to even thinking about such stuff. But in his mind it made sense to think Simon was something like a soulmate to him because even since the older boy came into his life he felt _complete_.

It also made sense because he was never able to grasp this pull and attraction he felt towards Simon even since he first laid eyes on him. He knew about people believing in "love at first sight" but he never did and he knew he would probably never feel this way about anyone ever again. He never felt even remotely attracted to anyone before and he had been 19 already when he met Simon. At this age, most people had experienced at least a crush but he never felt like he wanted to connect with anyone on a physical or emotional level. Until Simon.

Simon turned his life upside down in the best way imaginable and Raphael couldn't be happier than in the moments their fingers intertwined and lips tasted one another. The sometimes occurring feeling of lost memories vanished as soon as Simon touched or kissed him.

Kissing Simon felt like breathing and Raphael never wanted to stop breathing.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Gracias a Dios. Como estas, mi lucero?_ \- Thank God. How are you, my bright star?  
>  _Lo siento_ \- I'm sorry  
>  _mi hijo_ \- my son
> 
> As usual, I don't speak Spanish and if something is wrong, don't hesitate to correct me :)


End file.
